I was driving home from work one day, reflecting on the day and I was thinking about my lessons and my to-do list and I had, what I think you call, an epiphany! I realised that I was a grown-up! I suddenly realised that I had a job, I had responsibilities and I had A TO DO LIST! I know what you’re thinking, only now you’ve realised? No, I am not completely and utterly useless and stupid, I haven’t only JUST realised that I have grown-up but sometimes, I do forget that I’m meant to be a grown-up and I often question what that even means. Sometimes, I feel a lot younger than I actually am and I think I still have a lot of growing up to do. Anyway, my point is; this epiphany got me thinking, when will I ever feel like a real grown-up and what does that even feel like?
When I was younger, I remember looking up to people in school older than me and thinking, I can’t wait until I’m that age and that grown-up. However, as I’ve been getting older, so have they and when I look at them now, I still feel a lot younger and not as grown-up. Inevitable right? I know that! I’m hoping some of you ‘get me’. I’m sure I have the same effect on others younger than me, or at least, I hope I do but to me, I don’t feel grow-up at all. I feel like life crept up on me and gave me the number 27 with no warning and I suddenly woke up one day and realised I had to grow-up but I don’t want to (stomps feet)!
Ironic isn’t it? I’m busy wishing I was young again (as I guess, a lot of grown-ups do) and children are desperately trying to be older. I understand this, I do because when I was younger, I felt the same, I wanted to be like the older kids, the older pop stars, the adults who could “do what they want”. I wish I could go back now and tell myself to make the most of being young, make the most of not being responsible for yourself, make the most of no bills, no cleaning (or at least less cleaning) and no money worries! MAKE THE MOST! I get quite sad when I see young people rushing to grow up, I just want to tell them to slow down! I guess this links to the idea I’ve explored before about wishing our lives away. When we’re younger, we don’t realise how precious being young actually is and we’re way too busy trying to fit in rather than just being ourselves. It’s all very well dreaming of how you want your life to be but wishing for it to be that way right now, is another thing altogether.
As most of you are aware, I love going home. I love seeing my mum and dad and going back to my childhood home. I think this is because I am still a huge mummy and daddy’s girl who needs their reassurance in pretty much everything I do. I love going home and having my dinner made for me; I love being looked after! As I’ve mentioned before, during a storm, if I could go and sleep in their room, I would! At 27, I would!
So, when will I actually feel this so called grown-up? Is it something that will happen overnight? Is it when I have children? Is it when I’m married? When, when, when and will I know it’s happening? I’d love to know if any of you feel this way and if so, when do you think it’ll happen? Did you used to feel this way, when did it change? It’s not a big deal, I love feeling young. As they say “you’re as young as you feel” but this epiphany can be pretty frightening when it suddenly dawns on me that I am getting old!
This blog was more for fun than anything else. It’s a feeling that sometimes comes to me, out of the blue and I thought it would be fun to write about it and share it with you! When the devil will I grow-up?